Chased By A Midget

When I'm riding my bike, which is every day (except when it's raining or snowing or cloudy or too cold or too hot or sunny), I listen to my iPod (usually an audiobook). This is great for when people are yelling at me for blocking their way/crossing against the light/having a bright yellow big ass trailer that makes me stand out like a whore in church/being me (no offense to any actual whores, I'm sure churches totally want you. And you don't stand out that much - as evidenced here). I only half speak Polish, so I can't usually understand everything they're saying anyway, but having the earbuds makes it OH SO MUCH better.

The other day, I crossed against the light (yes, I do this a lot and yes, I now wear a helmet - the helmet is mostly because a very good friend of mine was hit by a car while on his bike recently and he actually obeys the law. I figure my chances are slim.) and another cyclist was turning right. I suppose, since I was crossing against the light, that he actually had the right of way, and so he was yelling at me. I could hear him through the headphones, you know 'cause he was actually doing the same thing I was and not yelling at me from his car.

He also apparently had a bit of bike rage, because he then started to follow me. I sped up and I beat him! It wasn't that hard, him being a midget and all. And me being, well, long legged.

Oh, did I not mention he was a midget?

A couple of days later I saw him as I was leaving my neighborhood (how do I know it was the same guy? It's not very often you see a bicycling midget.) and I thought "What are the chances he recognizes me?" Then I thought of that big ass yellow and green trailer and sped like a demon to get the hell out of there.

I wonder how much damage an angry Polish midget can do.

*No midgets were harmed in the writing of this post.

A Strange Education

Sunday night I start teaching religious education. I've taught before, but in the past I've always taught the little kids.

This year, I'm teaching the teenagers.

Oh, the terror!

While my kids actually look like this:

Credit: Royalty Free Photos

In my head they look like this:

Credit: Cradle of Filth

Other than drinking heavily (which would be hilariously funny, when I'm the drunk religious ed teacher, of course I MUST have been drunk when I volunteered so it would just be par for the course) or popping Xanax (which unfortunately, I no longer have a prescription for) do any of you (Alice, Alice, where are you?) have any suggestions for working with *gasp* teenagers?

While I expect that this will provide me with LOADS of blog fodder, I still need some support here. I'm a totally nervous teacher.

If I go missing, look for me at the British School. I'll be hiding in the broom closet with my vodka.

Pimpin'

My husband has started his own blog and because he keeps badgering me I love him so much, I’ll pimp it out here (particularly because he’s planning to release it to the entire expat community and then Pirkirls might start showing up here if they see my link, something I don’t need to happen because then what would I have for blog fodder?).

You can find him at The Thrifty Expat: A blog about saving money while overseas. It’s actually incredibly boring all about money going to kill my marriage more interesting than the title implies.

And this is post one of two today, so check back later 'cause I need your advice.

Good With The Ladies

Seth's best friend, we'll call him Mike, saw me after school the day I got my hair cut (well actually he sees me every day - but that's really not important to the story).

Mike: I like your hair!

Me: Thanks!

Mike: Oh, I thought you were Seth's sister!

Me: Oh, thank you. That's so sweet!

Yeah, Mike is good with the ladies. And he's in Kindergarten.

His parents are screwed.

My son, on the other hand, mentioned it hours later.

When I asked him.

Then he said, "Yeah, it looks good."

I think I'm going to be okay. My boys suck with the ladies. Like their father. Which is probably the only reason he's married to me.

And now it's decided that I will definitely smuggle Ela with me. I have hair that apparently makes me look thin and young. Yeah, she's totally coming with me.

Crafty Wednesday!

I've really been working with Photoshop elements (it's how I did my header). So I worked on a page in the style that I've already done in photoshop elements. Of course, the end of year photo is missing.

Cat's In The Cradle Or the Dining Room

Monday mornings I work at the PTO store at my kids' school. Globetrekking Mom works with me and we essentially sit around and chat and sell the requisite one P.E. uniform a day and make absolutely certain that we will never be elected president (or any other officer) of the PTO. It's like a 2 hour coffee break, without coffee and we're supposed to be working.

That really had very little to do with my story, but I just wanted to give a shout out to Globetrekking Mom. Holla!

Yesterday, when I returned from my "job", I walked in my front door - which opens right into my dining room. I was welcomed by a gray cat.

I do not have a gray cat.

I said in a loud crazed voice "NO! NO! NO! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?"

And because he's a cat, he just looked at me like "Fine, apparently I am not welcome here. Jeez lady, what's your problem?"

Then he just leisurely walked out into my garage.

I really don't like cats, despite the fact that I have 3.

*This was much funnier in my head.

And now I have a super cute haircut! I always hated getting my hair cut because (and yes, I know this sounds so stupid) I hate the way my face looks when I'm sitting there with that black cape around my neck. Black is not so much my color and the thing around my neck makes my face look really fat ('cause my face is square shaped).

But Ela is so fast and REALLY good. Too bad I have only 2 more years here. Maybe I can smuggle Ela in my suitcase. I can see the headline now "Diplomat gets life for human trafficking." And I'd be all, "But she's a fabulous hairstylist and it's taken me 34 years to find someone so fabulous!"

I can only hope the judge is a woman.

What do you think?

I should totally risk it, shouldn't I?

Hurricane Ike - Updated

I'm having difficulty writing a post right now as I have some personal issues that I'm not ready to share. I will, but right now is just not all that funny and I'm just not up to blogging.

One thing though, is that I cannot get in touch with my father or sister, who both live in Houston and were affected by Hurricane Ike. I'm sure that their phones are out, I know that 99% of the metro Houston area is without power and most people have no water.

Some of you are Pikirls who know my dad and sister. If you see them or hear from them and you have some way to get in touch with me, please let me know what their status is.

Thanks. I'll be back to normal in a few days.

Updated: Finally heard from BIL (sister's husband). They have no phones, no internet (how do they live???), but they have power, water and gas. They've had minor damage to both my dad's house and my sister's house, but everyone is okay! Thanks so much to all of you for your nice comments and thoughts!