You ruined a funny joke, you.

You want to know how to play a funny joke on a mom with 2 or more children (from personal experience this works really well with 4 children)? Put all of her children on antibiotics at the same time and make sure only one of them is allergic to penicillin. Be sure that all the other children are on penicillin and do not label the bottles with anything (not even the child's name) other than the BRAND NAME of the antibiotic. Then sit back and watch her head explode as she tries to remember which ones are penicillin and which kid she is NOT supposed to give penicillin to.

And a scrapbook page:

This one is the same LO as the other Syria page, but different colors. I took this LO from Simple Scrapbooks, the March/April issue. I don't remember the artist and I am not that inspired to go look it up right now:).

Heh, this is me...

Here's what I look like when I'm typing my blog:


Yes, really, just about every day. Right now, however, I sent my helper off to be helpful and I'll probably never see him again, because I think he just ran out the garage. Luckily, last week I locked the interior garbage gate because he used to escape that way.


But back to what I look like when I'm typing my blog. When we went to Germany, Dylan bought a webcam. His idea was that grandparents could chat with the kids and see them and it would be all fun and everything. We haven’t used it for that yet.

It unnerves me sitting on top of the monitor, looking at me. Watching my every move. Yes, I am paranoid, I can’t help that. But the worst thing about this thing is that it IS ALWAYS ON. There is no way to turn it off. So it’s sitting there, looking at me ALL THE TIME and IT’S RECORDING MY EVERY MOVE! I hate it. I seethe in loathing every time I look at it.

It feels ambivalent about me.

Here's a scrapbook page, since I've been scrappy lately:

I've been trying to organize my old photos and in doing so, found some to scrap. So that's what I've been working on. That and controlling my paranoia that the whole world is watching me over the internet... maybe I should be on Xanax;).

I'm a kidnapper!

So I’ve had these extra teenage girls hanging around causing havoc living in my house while they’re playing tournaments. I ALWAYS have extra teenage girls hanging around so the only difference is that these ones can’t go home at bedtime. They live in Moscow, so it’s quite a commute. Anyway, since they’ve been here, there’s been at least 4-6 girls in my house at all times. Yesterday there were 4 and I said, “Let’s go to the largest mall in Central Europe!” They’re teenage girls so they’re all like, “WOO HOO! YEAH! I totally need new shoes!”

So we pile into the van and we’re one seat short. We work that out and head to the mall. Whilst at the mall, I ditch lose the girls amidst the swarms of people, pick up a hot biker in the food court and take the boys to Smyk. I receive a panicked call from my daughter a little later. “Alarm girl’s mom called her sister and was freaked out that she ran away. Sister called me and asked if she was with me, I said yes. Sister called mom, mom called me and said that Alarm girl needs to come home…whenever…so I guess its okay. Can she spend the night?”

So I kidnapped a kid. Yeah, I’m a kidnapper. I don’t have enough kids of my own so I took someone else’s. But really, how am I supposed to keep track of which ones are mine and which ones are not? There’s just so many of them.

Why I shouldn't be allowed in public

Every time we go to anywhere that you find Americans, I am reminded of how my family appears slow.

-In the toilet (see there's an example right there, Americans say "bathroom" or "restroom") in the PX after I washed my hands, I turned to the machine on the wall. It had a button that said "Place hand here", so I did and then stood with my hands up to it - looking a bit like I was worshiping the wall. And then...paper towels came out of it.

-When the MPs asked Dylan what his MOS (his job) was he stood there and repeated slowly "What's my MOS?" like "Wait, wait, I KNOW this one."

-Whenever you ask if they take American money.

-You ask the wait staff for no BBQ sauce on your chicken and they tell you "It comes that way." You're imagining some strange little farm where all the chickens are genetically modified to come with BBQ sauce.

-Even today, I was in our embassy co op and I mentioned that I am sponsoring some teenagers. She asked me where my family was moving to and I said, um, we live here. Then she said, No, the people you're sponsoring. I was like, OH, DUH!

And a picture for you today:


The Polish translates to "Hobby for every family". But look at this close up:


Do these look like people who are enjoying themselves playing this hobby? The kid looks fairly happy, but dad looks like someone dragged him away from Polish Legia (the soccer/football league) to play with his family...and he's not even going to pretend. Makes me want to run out and play golf!

You say it's your birthday!

Today is Dylan's birthday and our anniversary. I'm going to be sappy today, just warning you.

We've been married for 14 years and there's so much I have learned over that time together, but really I want to tell a story. I won't go into great detail, because I don't want to share everything, but a la How I Met Your Mother, kids, I'd like to tell you the story of how I met my husband (it just won't take me several TV seasons to tell my story;).

We met in 7th grade Texas History with Mr. Egland. I remember clearly when he couldn't pick up his books (back then corporal punishment was allowed in schools in TX, they must have made it illegal shortly after that) and I picked them up for him. He asked me a question at some point, and I answered (I was PAINFULLY shy and I was bullied, so I tended to be VERY quiet) and he shouted "She speaks!" and I didn't talk to him for the rest of the year.

The next year, we were in history again together, U.S. this time. I got to know him better, and I was in class with some of my friends so I was more comfortable at that time. I don't remember much about 8th grade.

For 9th -12th we had an on again/off again relationship. After high school, I met up with him again, we started dating. We got married. That's pretty much the story (there's more details, but again, I'm leaving them out).

Here we are then:Yes, I was pregnant. VERY pregnant (Pamela was born one month to the day after this photo), and I had just turned 20.

No one thought our marriage would last. Several times, I didn't think it would either. I didn't know what love was exactly, for many reasons, but Dylan totally did. And he's always loved me, even when I've been psychotic and not entirely sure that I loved him, but now I know that I have always loved him (well at least since 9th grade - remember that bit about being painfully shy...yeah, didn't like him so much in 7th).

Dylan always knew that we were meant to be together. ALWAYS. He's my lobster.

We have 4 beautiful children. A fabulously interesting, yet equally dull life (it needs to be that way, too much excitement can kill you;). He's a hilariously funny, involved, loving, ambitious person, who has made me a better person just by being here. I love him.

Here we are today, if viewed through Andy Warhol's eyes:

I have to say, I wish Andy Warhol lived here...then I'd always be pretty:).

(and yes, I did put that up on the red wall, it looks totally amazing there:)

Happy Birthday to Who?

Dylan's mom forwarded us this email yesterday:

Dear Montana:

"Happy Birthday" from your friends at Baker Jackson Nissan North!

I hope you and Samuel are getting along well and that Samuel is taking good care of you. If you have any bumps and scratches, aches or pains, just come in and see us. We are here to care for you. As always if there is anything I can do, please call me at Baker Jackson Nissan North at 281-890-5656.

I hope you and your owner have an excellent day!

Respectfully,
Kevin Allen
General Manager

How many things are wrong with this email? First, Dylan's mom forwarded it to us and she was the previous owner, so they kept her email address and changed the name. Second, we haven't had this car in almost 2 years. And does anyone think it's odd that a person has to write a birthday card to an inanimate object?

Here's my response:

Dear Kevin,

Unfortunately, I have passed away and gone on to Pontiac heaven. Samuel has found a new love, as I always hoped he would. Her name is VX-800 (sounds exotic, no?) and she comes from the land of Suzuki (I think it's in Japan). We need not correspond any longer, as that is frowned upon here, but I do thank you for your birthday wishes.

Sincerely,

Montana

And here's another LO for y'all. I hand cut the title letters (since I don't have a Cricut:).


Oh, and yesterday I forgot to say that was my take on Becky's Sketch from the May 2008 issue of Creating Keepsakes.

I'm baaack!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Blogoslavakia...

So I was in Germany for the week - a place that I love. It was a not a fun and games trip. I was taking tests in order to complete my degree sooner and all of us had some doctor's appointments. I mean, Germany is fun even when you're not there for fun, but my brain hurt after the end of 8 tests (I didn't take the 9th one).

I'll still have more to share, but I'm making this quick today. I was feeling pretty scrappy when I returned, so I made this (and a few other) page (s). Enjoy!