I got an email today from my friend H. She had her baby last week and she and the baby are now at home and doing well, but she would probably still appreciate some prayers as she's still going through a difficult time.
Each time I get an email from her now, I no longer feel that warm feeling, probably because we have fallen away from each other. I'm happy that she has the baby (and he's precious, but I just love babies anyway:) and I'm happy if her life is working out for her...but I don't know. I know our "falling out" is my fault because when I was near my due date with my youngest she told me she was getting married and I wrote her a scathing email. There were many reasons, hormones being why it was so scathing...when I'm not pregnant I'm a fairly nice person...not particularly friendly, but nice. But these past 18 months, since that email, I have learned that the reason I was so angry was because I thought of her as a close friend, but I feel that she didn't think of me in the same way. I think that she has to have people like her and therefore can make you feel like she's closer to you than she actually is.
So much happened in the past 5 years in our friendship. And I didn't see any of it coming. At first I thought it was because I was an out of touch friend, but now I think that she just either didn't consider me that close of a friend, or she just doesn't feel that close to anyone. I've another friend that I have known since we were 6 years old and she has NEVER done anything that surprised me...or at least not so many things in a row.
My friend H, well in 4 years her marriage fell apart (I never saw it coming), she remarried, joined another church (this was a big one for me because she and I have a past in our church), and had a baby (another big deal...I won't go into here).
This was one of those times when I thought...hmm...when you leave you really aren't friends anymore. I think I first realized it in Ghana, when my close friend left, but it had obviously been going on this whole time. The whole thing saddens me, and I don't have any friends here in Warsaw...so maybe that's a really good thing.