Thursday, July 31, 2008

That Calls For A Wilhelm Scream!

Okay, I know that I'm a big dork, but I love this song:

The game goes that when you hear it in a movie you shout "Wilhelm!", which, when you do it a movie theater might make other patrons throw you out, causing you to do your own Wilhelm.

Anyway, we play this one in the car (the song, not the YouTube video or the game, although that would be impressive) and the kids scream at the appropriate parts. The funniest thing though, is that Blaise, in a very Pavlovian dog way, now screams whenever he hears the words "Wilhelm scream".

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Crafty Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday doesn't seem appropriate anymore since I only use it to showcase crafts, so I'm changing the name of mine to Crafty Wednesdays! This way, those of you who don't want to see crafts can just avoid my blog on Wednesdays and those who do can just read my blog on Wednesdays:). I kid, you should be stopping by my blog EVERY DAY!

Here's today's scrapbook page:

The journaling is under the picture and the chipboard letters have glitter on them, that no matter what I do I cannot get to show up in pictures!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

You've Got Email! And Happy Mail!

Yolanda sent me this email:

"Did you ever get back at that family who gave your daughter the chinchilla??? Need to give a hedgehog a happy home?? I think you might solve two problems here....

Seriously, get a box, poke some holes in it, wrap it, slap a bow on it... send him/her on his/her merry way."

First off, I laughed so hard that Coke Light came out of my nose. Second, because they have been gone all summer, no, I totally forgot about them.

That's a totally AWESOME idea! They'll have a surprise "welcome back" gift. (If you missed the chinchilla story, you can find it here.)

And, Lisa sent me these:

Because I gave all mine away when I left Ghana because I didn't use them. How was I to know that it would come back in scrapbooking style? Thanks so much Lisa! Now I'll have to put them to good use. Probably not this week though, as we are awaiting a BIG visitor.

Monday, July 28, 2008


HAHA! I've figured out how to make video clips so now I will torture you all with clips I love.

You'll remember my post about speaking to people in my poor Polish.

The guy in the green hat is me. Seriously.

Friday, July 25, 2008

My Name is Kylie and I'm an Alcoholic.

These are some of our new residents:

Yes, those are two kittens and a HEDGEHOG. The hedgehog doesn't live in our house, but now lives in our garbage house. The girls (Pamela and her friend) trapped the hedgehog accidentally when trying to trap these kittens. Now the hedgehog seems to think that it lives here.

But, we also now have two kittens. Their names are Syrah (the tabby) and Shiraz (the black and white one). Yes, those are names of grapes/wine and yes, I named them, and yes, that probably means I drink too much - a point that should be made obvious by the fact that I now have an incontinent 16 year old cat, a chinchilla, a school of fish {that we adopted when our neighbors left}, a hedgehog, two kittens and FOUR CHILDREN!

I also have a soft heart and probably a failing liver:).

Thursday, July 24, 2008

What's My Name Again?

You'll remember that we now have this:

Seth is in it for a total of 20 minutes a day, broken up into increments of 5 minutes.

Toby was standing at the window, because Toby isn't so much for the cold water. Like me, Toby doesn't feel that it is EVER warm enough in Europe to get in an outdoor pool. (Toby learned to swim in Houston and on the Equator.)

So Toby was standing at the window, calling to Seth and he says "Toby! Toby!, Seth!"

And I was really amazed by the fact that my son had just called his brother by his OWN NAME. Who does that? I've never once called another person Kylie (with the exception of Kylie Minogue, but since I don't actually KNOW her, it's never been an issue and even if I did know her, that's actually her name).

It reminded me of this:

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Side 1

Side 2

This is a going away gift for Pamela's friend. I made this one double sided because this friend loved Pamela and my boys, so I wanted her to remember everyone.

I used Stayz on ink, Autumn Leaves stamps, stick on jewels, acrylic paint, and Heidi Swapp ghost letters that I covered in glitter.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Mommy, You're Fat.

We were at the store the other day and as I was loading Toby into the car he hands me this flyer:He said, "Mommy, this is for you!"

As I looked at it and struggled through reading it in my bad Polish, I realized my child is handing me a "Lose Weight Fast!" flyer. I have no idea where he found it, but thanks Toby.

Monday, July 21, 2008

My son's a big boy

Usually I like to give you all funny stories about my life. I'm a fan of funny.

But today, I have for you and pathetically sad (but not really) story.

My oldest son lost his first tooth.

All by himself. (With some help from an expert older sister.)

Saturday, we promoted him to his very own room. Something he hasn't had since he was 2 years old and Toby came along.

Then Sunday his tooth fell out. We didn't even know it was loose.

He's growing up. How did that happen? It was only 5 1/2 years ago when I was sitting with my very first boy, holding him, nursing him, loving him. How did he get to be OLD? How did I get to be old?

He's starting Kindergarten next month. KINDERGARTEN! He's going to school. Real school.

And he lost a tooth. And he has his own room.

How long will it be until he doesn't sit in my lap at church and ask me questions? How long will it be before he doesn't tell me everything about the snail/kitten/turtle/frog he caught?

How long will it be until he doesn't hug me anymore?


I'm going to hold on to every hug I can, while they're still there.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Power Failure

We were sitting in the living room watching TV when the power went out. Because we had lived in Africa, we all just waited until the power came back on. No one EVEN bothered to check the breakers.

Pamela and her friend came downstairs and said, "Why are the lights out?"

Dylan and I were like "The power went out."

Her friend, J., said "The light on the stairs is on."

So we, dumbasses, checked the breaker. The breaker for the downstairs had blown.

Dylan flipped the breaker back on and WHOA, Let there be light!

Later, I went to the kitchen and thought, wow the dishwasher's been running a long time. I realized it wasn't on and turned it back on. POW! The power went out again.

A few days later the embassy sends someone to check out our problem. Again, turn on the dishwasher. Again, POW! The power goes out.

He says, "It's the dishwasher. You need a new one." Um, DUH.

Then he says, "Don't use the dishwasher until you get the new one."

I was like, "Right, isn't that kind of impossible? I mean, every time we turn the dishwasher on, the power to the entire downstairs goes out. INCLUDING THE POWER TO THE DISHWASHER!"

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Universities, I'm waiting!

Pamela has made an important decision in the last few days. She has decided to major in theater and dance in college. She’s only starting 9th grade, but she is in the IB program and needs to have a pretty good idea of what she wants to do with the rest of her life so she can focus now.

Here is her audition tape:

Okay Universities, we’ll be awaiting your calls.

And I have to give props to Pamela for being a totally good sport about this:). While she actually did do this when we were talking about how she would have to audition for the program, but I had to talk her into letting me record it and put it on my blog.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Lee Harvey Oswald is my real dad!

My has a celebrity face recognition feature. I look surprisingly (48%) like Lee Harvey Oswald. That's disturbing in so many ways.

But I also look 76% like Katherine Hepburn. That's much more flattering.

Also, in honor of wordless Wednesday, when I usually showcase a scrapbook page or crafty item for all the people I suckered into reading my blog under the premise of scrapbooking, here's a purse I crocheted from plastic bags for AnnaKay:

I recommend you check out AnnaKay. She's 15, and just left Europe after 10 years to move back "home" (and I know her in real life). She's blogging her experience and it's a cause that's close to my heart. Check her out!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Death Trap!

I have been learning a lot about gardening this summer. This has become my new hobby. Since I don't know much about plants in general, I go to the garden store and pick up anything that looks pretty (and I consult my scrapbook color wheel for what will look nice in the garden together, who knew it had so many uses?).

In doing this, I have chosen 2 plants that cannot survive the Polish winters and therefore must become houseplants. One of the plants that I inadvertently chose is one of the most deadly plants in the world.

Don't eat this photo!

I knew this one was poisonous, I just think it's beautiful.

Because I am a worried mother, and these plants say things like "Keep away from children" I have become obsessed with the notion that my children, who have never done this before, will start to eat the plants. So (in an effort to mock my own obsessive insanity) I warn everyone who enters my house not to eat this plant because it is the most deadly plant in the world.

So, of course, what should a person who is obsessed about the idea that her children could die eating plants that they probably would never have given a second thought to had she not mentioned it do?

Get a pool.

I haven't slept in three days.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Apple Bottom Jeans

Pamela's friend K. got Apple Bottom Jeans. When she was showing them off to Pamela and all the other girls she says:

"Look, look. 'I got them Apple Bottom jeans'" and then started dancing.

Pamela said to me "And K. is dancing to the music that's playing in all of our heads, but people passing by are staring at her because the music isn't playing in THEIR heads."

Saturday, July 12, 2008

You might not want to read this

In my normal day, I read the news from the city I grew up in. Usually there are stories that make me sad, stories that make me laugh, and stories that I have no real opinion on.

Yesterday, there was a story (actually essay about a controversy) that made me mad.

Pregnant bellies are gross.

Really? They're gross?

I've had four babies. I never liked my pregnant belly and I certainly do not like my non pregnant belly, but I would never ever say that a pregnant belly is gross. It's such a beautiful thing. So in protest of all those annoying Houstonians who find pregnant bellies gross, here are my pregnant bellies (well, two of them anyway).

38 Weeks with Seth

32 Weeks with Toby

These were my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies (I apparently do not have any nekkid belly pictures of 1 and 4...but that doesn't surprise me, I was actually much more surprised to find the 2nd and 3rd. Again, I don't like my belly).

And here's another one of something that pregnant women probably shouldn't do:

Me climbing down the mountain in Ghana. 23 weeks with #4. I also climbed to the top, but don't have any good photos of that.

How about you? If you've been pregnant, do you have nekkid pictures of your belly? Do you think nekkid pregnant bellies are gross?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Typical Summer Day in Slightly Cracked House

6:30 – Wake up to Husband’s alarm, which is right next to my head, because then he has to get out of bed to turn it off.

6:35 – go back to sleep after he turns it off.

7:00 – Wake up again when husband kisses me goodbye. Wonder if I actually love him enough to have him WAKE ME up to kiss me goodbye.

8:30 – Wake up to creepy 3 year old staring at me from the foot of my bed. Am reminded of old TV movie “Don’t go to sleep”.

(Spend half the day trying to find this movie for sale for less than $80 for a VHS copy, decide to watch it on YouTube).

8:35 – Make coffee and cereal for 3 year old.

8:40 – Realize that coffee is for me and cereal is for three year old. Fix this immediately.

8:45 – Sit at computer to read my stories blogs and drink coffee.

9:00 – Take 3 year old to school. Late. For the third day in a row.

9:10 – 5 year old comes downstairs, complains that he is hungry. Tell him to wait until I finish reading this blog.

9:25 – 5 year old complains LOUDLY that he is hungry. Decide I have put him off long enough. Fix him cereal.

9:30 – 5 year old starts picking on 2 year old. Look outside, see it is raining, turn on TV.

9:45 – It’s sunny out. Tell kids to go outside.

9:50 – Starts raining again. Kids come in wet and complaining. Turn TV on again.

10:00 – Finish reading my blog roll. Read only the lifestyle section in the news. Check in with class.

10:15 – Put away food stuffs from neighbors that are moving, because I am the only one who can do this. Even though we always keep the oil/peanut butter/sugar/pasta in the same place. Apparently I am the only magical person who knows where this stuff is kept.

10:45 – Do dishes from last night and this morning. Find toy train waiting to be washed. Wonder why. Realize that banana has been stuffed inside the toy. Try to remove banana from toy.


11:20 – Wash George Foreman grill. Get crud all over wall. Decide I need a new GF grill.

11:25- Wash wall with said GF grill crud.

12:00 – Pick up 3 year old from school. Learn that this is costing me $50 a day. Tell teacher I will see her in September.

12:30 – Wake up lazy teenage daughter. Time for lunch.

1:00 – make 5 year old and 3 year old clean up board games that 2 year old has taken apart.

1:30 – Try to figure out how to convince children that have only been awake for 4 hours to take a nap.

2:00 – Give up on nap. Decide to go for a run. Realize it’s raining. Wait for sun.

2:05 – Sunny. Go for a run.

2:15 – Come back soaked.

2:30 – Realize day is wasted with rain and no rain. Go to grocery store for a few things.

4:15 – Return from grocery store. Put watermelon on the dining room table.

4:20 – Tell 5 year old to put the watermelon back.

4:25 – Tell 3 year old to put the watermelon back.


4:35 – Clean up broken watermelon.

4:50 – Make chili for dinner.

5:30 – Blend up broccoli for chili because no one will eat anything green if they know it’s there.

5:35 – Teenage daughter and husband walk in while I’m blending broccoli. Ask what I’m blending broccoli for.

5:45 – Dinner is served. Husband asks incessantly what happened to that broccoli. Finally give in and tell him it’s in the chili. HUSBAND refuses to eat chili. Tell him IT’S ALWAYS GOT BROCCOLI IN IT.

6:15 – Send kids outside as the sun has finally come out.

7:30 – Bring everyone inside for baths and bed.

8:00 – Put diaper on 2 year old. Help 3 year old with his clothes.

8:05 – put diaper BACK on 2 year old. Read stories.

8:30 – Find children hiding in TV room. Order them to bed. Put diaper back on 2 year old.

8:45 – Put 2 year old back in bed. Put diaper back on 2 year old.

9:00 – Put 2 year old back in bed. Put diaper back on 2 year old.

9:15 – Put 2 year old in crib.

10:00 – Check on kids to see if they are asleep. Run around house to find missing child. Find him sleeping in sister’s room or TV room. Put diaper back on 2 year old.

10:15 – Collapse into bed.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Corrupting the Youth Part II

As I sat here trying to come up with an amusing blog post, my husband called and relayed the following story to me.

But first some explanatory information. "Phoenix rising from the ashes" was a military class that my husband attended.

Dylan: I was walking down the hall and there's a girl wearing a "Phoenix rising from the ashes" T-shirt. So I said, "Hey where'd you get that shirt?"

Girl: My neighbor gave it to me.

Dylan: Who is your neighbor?

Girl (a bit frightened now): (Friend of Pamela)

Dylan: THAT'S MY SHIRT! I bet it even has my name on it.

Reaches to pull out the girl's shirt to see if the label has his name on it and then realizes he's just touching some girl that he doesn't know AND trying to look down her shirt and stops immediately. Walks off in embarrassment.

I probably should have looked through the clothes Pamela gave away before they left the house.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Corrupting the Youth - Updated

You all know that I read Jenny, the Bloggess way too much. If we were guys, I'd totally have a man crush on her (or him, since we'd be guys and all).

The very first post I ever read of Jenny's was about Timbaland's song "The Way I Are". My daughter just recently bought this song, so I obsessed over the wrong lyrics to it, while she yelled at me over and over again that these were not what they were actually saying.

So, being a good mother of a teenager, I taught all of her friends the wrong lyrics to this song.

So taking a song that was fairly benign, I have taught a bunch of ninth and tenth graders to sing it the Jenny way. Turning it from this:

"Baby, it's alright now you don't have to flaunt for me.
If we go and touch, you can still touch my love, it's free"

To this:

"Baby, it's alright now you don't have to floss for me.
If we go there you can still touch my nuts for free."

And people STILL send their kids to my house to stay.


My husband listened to this song and in the second verse Timbaland says "I ain't got no Visa".
Dylan says: "But isn't he coming here?" (He is, he'll be at the Coke Live Music Festival in Krakow).
I said: "Yes."
Dylan: "Then he HAS to have a visa." Hysterical laughter ensued.
This is embassy humor, y'all. (Mine was funnier...even if it was stolen from someone else.)

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Bacon? Anyone?

My neighbors are moving out. They've lived here for 6 years and have aquired quite a bit of stuff to rid themselves of over the years. We have been the official dumping spot for all things to get rid of.

They've brought these:

And these:
Good to have.

And these:
How much fake ice does one need exactly?

And these:

We're crafty in this house.

And these:

Apparently they like ketchup and were super afraid of running out.

And these:
Pamela thought they were trying to poison us.

But the best of all was this:

Who knows the funniest part of this? That's right, we don't eat pork! How AWESOME that our neighbors know us so well.

Does anyone want any bacon?

Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy Independence Day!

Or happy 4th of July as we've all been known to call it around here (which just seems ridiculous when you are outside the U.S. and everyone is like, "Well, thank you very much, it IS a beautiful day. What an odd person you are.")

Hope everyone's day is filled with picnics and watermelon (mmmm, watermelon!) and beaches and fireworks! Know that I'm sitting in Poland doing my economics homework, getting my car fixed and working on my garden. But I'll totally be having ice cold watermelon while I do it!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Not Wordless Wednesday

Usually this would be wordless Wednesday and I would post the scrapbook page of the week, but since I worked on my garden all weekend (when I wasn't out kissing girls) I didn't get a page finished.

So I present to you:

Conversation with my 3 year old:

(We were on the bike on the way home from his school. I kept stopping and picking wildflowers.)

Toby (when I handed him a 3rd flower): I don't have many hands. I have only two hands.

Me: You can hold them all in one hand.

Toby: Aliens have many hands.

Me: Octopuses have many hands.

Toby: No, aliens.

So how do you argue with that?

We came home and I told Seth and Pamela this conversation. I got to the part where Toby said Aliens have many hands.

Seth: Octopuses have many hands.

Me: THAT'S WHAT I SAID! High five!

So I'm on the same level of thought as a 5 year old. Yeah, go me.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

200th Post! - Updated

For my 200th post, I thought I would reminisce a little and tell a little of the history of my blog (but then I got bored and cut it short).

When I started this blog, my family was living in Accra, Ghana. We had so many funny stories from just living in Ghana, that I happened upon the idea of a blog for our family members back in the States. It all started with this post about skin bugs. Which was a horrifying (and funny) start to the blog. If you are so inclined you can check out this post for pictures and a little more info about that saga.

I never expected my little blog to be popular (for me, popular means that more people than just me read it;), because I never really thought I had much interesting to say, a sentiment I expressed in my very first post. But I'm happy to have all my readers and I appreciate your comments and love that you send my way.

So thank you for reading. And leave a comment, because bloggers LOVE comments!

Update: Or not really an update, just a part I forgot about. When I was in high school, I wrote stories. They were based on my life and I wrote them in serial form. My friends all read my stories and passed them around. So here I am now, writing the same kinds of stories (although more "real" than those old ones were), in the same form, and passing them around the whole world for my friends to read. Thanks for that too.