Gym? This Is a Gym?

About 4 months ago I posted about my gym, and how I loved it so.

And as with many love affairs, things have started to grow...annoying.

I'm happy. Mostly. There are getting to be far too many people there. They have only 4 ellipticals and apparently every mom out there loves the things. Which means I spend a lot of time waiting.

But I can deal with waiting.

Today, one of the "trainers" came up to me, while I was on the treadmill, and asked me if I would like to try the new Garmin takes-your-pulse-rate-tells-you-how-long-you've-been-running-lets-you-know-if-you're ovulating-makes-your-appointments-for-you watch. I told her, "No, thanks, I've got an iPhone. It's what I was listening to when you interrupted me. And, um, last I looked this was a gym, not a sports store."

When I went to the weight room, the president of the PTO from my kids' school was there. She used to be a world famous violinist, speaks fluent Italian, was an English teacher, got her PhD and was a lawyer. She can do everything. Except (deleted because my husband editor thought it was too harsh - but it was good, SO good)...change her own ink cartridges.

Anyway, I sat down at the lat pulldown machine and she came over and said, "As a former bodybuilding teacher, I just wanted to let you know that you're doing this wrong. You need to just almost touch your chest. And use more weight. You want to be able to do a pull up, right?"

Yeah, whatever.

Just after she interrupted me a "trainer" came to me and motioned for me to take off my headphones. As I was in the middle of the reps, I was reluctant, but did so because I'm a slave to authority. She said, "Can I help you?"

I stared at her and said, "No." I mean, did I ask for your help? Did I in anyway indicate that I wanted your help?

She then said, "I just wanted to let you know that you're doing this wrong. This exercise is designed for men who want to build their muscle in their back. You, as a woman, should be pulling the bar behind your head. You don't want to build muscle because you're a woman."

WTF? Um, isn't this a gym? Don't people come here to build muscle? If I didn't want to build muscle would I be in the weight room? And on top of that your advice, AS A TRAINER, is that people should strain their necks?

I've always been a bigger muscled girl. I work hard at it. I've probably been "building muscle" since my "trainer" was in diapers. But never, ever even on my absolute best day would anyone have mistaken me for a man because of my "big" muscles.

Yeah, the love affair may be coming to an end.

Right and Wrong

I took the photos with my iPhone, so they are not the best. And for some reason when I upload them to blogger, they will not turn the correct way. No matter what I do. Just to let you know that I'm not just trying to mess your vision. My iPhone is.

I often tell my Confirmation class that there are few right and wrong answers when it comes to religion. You pretty much have to work things out between yourself and God.

Yesterday, their assignment was to create a poster that displayed what they believed the Reign of God to look like. These are what they came up with:

Dana and Chris*, Good.

Laurie and Nathan, Good.

Daniel and Rebecca, "Okay, you remember how I told you there were no right and wrong answers. Yeah. I was wrong. There are some wrong answers. This is a great example."

Click to enlarge

Can you see the people swearing at each other? The knife fight? The bombs? But note how the houses and streets are perfect.

Apparently, Daniel's view of the Reign of God is an episode of Weeds.

*As always, all names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

Job Hunting

So I had been seriously considering giving up blogging altogether. I felt as though I was spending way too much time attached to the web and not enough time doing "normal" things.

And then my husband bought me this:



For my birthday. And yeah, hell yeah, It's AWESOME!

And then Catsmilk falls into my lap. And I have this. And I can just send it to y'all while I'm standing in the store. And what kind of person would I be if I didn't entertain y'all with it?

So, I took it as a sign. And I'm back.

And...I've applied for a job.

*gasp*

And because I've applied for the job of webmaster, a job I haven't done since 2000 (of course, I haven't had many jobs since then anyway), I've listed my blog as evidence that I actually do know something about the internet and design.

So I prettied up around here. 'Cause new guests are coming. Ones who hold my future.

So don't put your shoes on the sidebar. And make sure you don't type with your mouth full.

Or go ahead. Make yourself comfortable. That's okay too.

And I'll be making the blog rounds, but it's going to take me some time.

My Uncle Owned a Dairy

How do they get the cats to stay still? A vat of fish?

Spring Break

We're all on Spring Break right now.

Unfortunately, I don't know when I'll be back.

I've taken some time off lately and have breathed a big sigh of relief. I have not been tied to the computer. I've been able to spend time with my kids. I've been digging in my garden. I've been taking long bike rides.

I miss you all, but I need to take a long break and have a little more outdoor fun.

The sun does this to you when you live in a place with seasons.

I hope to be back soon.

Monsters vs. Hard Rock Cafe

The crime scene:


Hard Rock Cafe, Prague, Czech Republic, Practice Party - Opening Day

The culprit:

The Missing Link (with a little assistance from Piglet)

The victim:


An innocent bar glass (and some truly terrified bartenders).

The incident:

Friday afternoon, during the practice party for the grand opening at the Hard Rock Prague, the missing link descended on the bar of unsuspecting patrons and bartenders. It appears that he fell (or was pushed) from the 3rd floor balcony where a mother and her 6 year old child were eating the free meal provided by the Hard Rock Cafe. The only casualty was a highball glass, although there was some emotional scarring of the bartenders which may take years of therapy.

The suspect was returned to the custody of his family, where he spent the rest of the day in a backpack so as to not continue to wreak havoc on Prague.

Too bad we couldn't do the same thing with Piglet.

(And when I was jotting notes for this post in the Hard Rock Cafe, Piglet said, "NO! Please don't put this on your blog!" Does that mean I have a problem? Is there a 12 step program?)

There's a Hard Rock in Prague?

After the train ride, we were supposed to meet up with D at his hotel. Of course, we had to make a small detour into bum town. We really enjoy venturing into the bad side of town when we travel. It helps us to remember the people who are less fortunate than we are.

And we're not so good with directions.

So after a short stop at McDonald's (yes, we have McDonald's here, but we've been engaged in the experiment, so the kids hadn't seen the inside of a McDonald's in 37 days - that's some kind of record) and a stop at Starbucks (yes, it was essential. You must stop at Starbucks when you don't have one in your city* whenever possible. It's like a rule.) we met up with D at his hotel.

D regaled us with quaint stories of his stay in Prague. Did you know that Prague has bad customer service? Who would have known? Except all of us who live in the former Eastern bloc.

We sat at the hotel bar and Dylan asked the bartender if we could sit and have our coffees. He glared at us in typical Polish/Czech fashion and said, "Normally, no."

So we sat anyway.

We then proceeded to sight see. We passed a sign for the Hard Rock Cafe, which thrilled D. Then we went on the long hike up to the castle. Upon arrival, D declared that this doesn't look like a castle.

We then determined that D must come and meet us in Mad King Ludwig's castles. Because real castles don't look like castles.

At lunch time, we thought back to the Hard Rock Cafe and made the hike back down to eat some good ole American food.

To be continued...

*Starbucks Warsaw opens Wednesday!

Night Train

About once every 6 months, my brother in law rings us and says "I'm going to be in a country near yours this weekend/next week/tomorrow. Just wanted to let you know."

And then we make every possible arrangement to meet him in that country. Because he never has the decency to ring and say "I'm gonna be in Warsaw." That'd just be too easy.

We love you, D;). Even though you don't read my blog.

Anyway, this time he rang and said, "I'm gonna be in Prague." And we said, "Oh, it's Lent."

And then we went anyway. The cheapest route possible. 2nd class night train to Prague on Thursday and then 2nd class night train to Warsaw on Friday. No sleeping in a comfortable hotel. No need for that.

We can rough it.

Dylan and the boys can rough it. I'm pretty, um...rough, if I have to rough it.

Our sleeper compartment. Luxury digs, no?

To be continued...

Sister Dearest

My little sister's birthday is today.

She's an April Fool.

Although really I think my mother was the April Fool as Amanda was induced (because she was 2 weeks late, so like her:) and the doctors somehow talked my mother into induction on April Fool's Day.

I'm pretty sure our dad does know when her birthday is.

She's the baby. I'm the one sticking out my tongue. 'Cause that's how it is.

Happy Birthday Amanda!

I'm going to be taking a break for a few days. Rest assured that I will be back to reading and writing on Monday at the latest.