Monday, June 15, 2009

If Hell Has Chinese Food

Hubby and I usually go out for date night on Friday night. This Friday night our babysitter (Tigger) was out for her own date night and we were unable to go. She was home on Saturday, so we went out to this new Chinese restaurant that opened just down the road from our house.

My husband's alter ego is a reviewer of all things expat (at least all things expat related to Warsaw). Last week's review was in regard to the rudeness we experienced at this restaurant. We gave them another chance, and this time the staff was much more pleasant. The management most likely told them not to be rude to the customers.

Instead we should poison them.

We started by ordering a large beer (for him) and a glass of red wine (for me). Our waitress said, "We don't have red wine."

I stared at her. "I understand all of those words individually, but together they do not make sense."

Then, Dylan impaled himself with a chopstick.

After we pulled the splinters out and stopped the bleeding, the first dish arrived. Spring rolls. They were quite small. Dylan and I tried to be very professional (we're reviewing the food after all). "It's a little too salty. There's more than a hint of garlic."

The next dish was Kung Pao chicken. This one was pretty oily and just not incredibly tasty. Again, far too much salt was used.

The third dish was not the one we ordered, so we sent it back. In order to punish us, they returned with a dish that after two bites made my tongue go completely numb.

The waitress returned and asked if we would like dessert. I said, "The food you have brought us has gotten progressively worse. What will you bring next, a steaming pile of dog shit?"

To which my husband replied, "Is that an option? I'd like to trade this dish in for that!"

We tipped the waitress well (she'll need it for when the health department shuts them down) and left the building like it was a nuclear disaster waiting to happen.


  1. Oooohhh, ICK!! Nasty. So sorry to hear about that!

  2. I love reading your blog, it cracks me up that there is now Chinese food in POLAND! Back in 1970 when I last visited we had to go to the PKO in Warsaw to get Ritz Crackers and Kellogg's Corn Flakes. I ended up in the hospital with food poisoning after eating in a local restaurant and the only ice cream known was yucky gelato. I vowed never to return, but now I am a bit intrigued.

  3. Reminds me of the time we tried to have Tex-Mex in Bermuda. It was just bad.

  4. LOL!!!! Do you at least get the awful meal for free through his job??

  5. In California, the best place to get pho (Vietnamese noodles) is San Jose and any Asian place that looks like a hole in the wall is going to be WAY better than than an Asian restaurant that serves its food on white square dishes. Any time you're in the Yay Area, I'll have my momma cook up a real Vietnamese spring roll lunch for you.

  6. Scary!! Did you go home and take some Pepto or Alka Seltzer to keep tummy troubles away?? Lol

  7. Loved the title of this entry! I had already read Dylan's "review". I never found Chinese food or Asian cuisine especially appetizing in Poland (unless our Korean friends were the ones making it!). I tried all the restaurants and I came away with the impression that the Poles (or Chinese in Poland) think that Chinese means breaded, fried and oily. When you are back in the States, try PF Changs China Bistro. It is hands down the BEST Kung Pao anything I have ever had. I have tried several dishes there and have yet to find one I don't like.

  8. No red wine?? I would have left immediately. Your dinner sounds pretty disastrous. Oily food is the worst.

  9. Excellent post!!

    For whatever reason I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around Chinese food in Poland. Obviously, Poland has immigrants from all of the world - just like anywhere else - but...Ugh. It is just not computing!!

    And, obviously, it doesn't make much sense in practice either!

  10. And thanks for the link to Hub's site! I probably won't be in Poland anytime soon, but that doesn't mean I'll NEVER get over there. Very interesting!!

  11. No red wine is a great wrongness (she says as she is driking a glass of carmenere herself).

  12. Chinese food in Poland sounds like the beginning of a joke.

    "Yummy" dinner. But red wine with Chinese food? I thought that everyone had to drink beer.


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