How to Make Mommy Take a Time Out

by Stewie

Step 1: Make counter sandwich.



Step 2: Throw BRAND NEW jar of Nutella against the white tile floor causing it to explode all over the white cabinets.

Step 3: Stand back and watch.

(Kylie here. Just to clarify I DID NOT CHOOSE to have a white kitchen. My husband's job, which owns the house, decided that white kitchens and bathrooms were THE thing - 'cause the person who made the choice did not have children.)

Parenting in a Facebook World

This notice has been coming home via email for a few weeks from my older kids' school:

Parenting in a Facebook World
Topic: Social Networking has become very popular with students at (name of school removed because I believe in censorship). During this Parent Partnership workshop parents will get a hands-on look at Facebook when they log in and create an account. Parents will learn how to keep profiles private, learn the lingo of Facebook, and discuss how to talk to their children about Facebook.

This whole thing stems from the first meeting where the kids were issued their laptops (I KNOW!). A few parents strongly suggested that the school should block Facebook.

Hello 1999! Awesome. Let's block Facebook. And while we're at it, the kids shouldn't be able to access wikipedia (because, you know, it's not accurate, except for those references at the bottom), or email. Next thing you know, they'll be blocking porn and blogs too (we all know those two go hand in hand). And there goes MY readership.

Our daughter has a Facebook page. But, hubby ALSO has a Facebook page and has her as his friend. He (we) can keep tabs on her and her friends. Heck, I check up on my own students. It's this simple, people. Which I guess is why they are having the workshop. Because it IS this simple.

And this reminded me of the conversation that Globetrekking Mom and I had about how the Polish people don't check their email. The first time I asked a person (who was not Polish, btw) if she got my email and she said, "Oh, I don't check my email", I was just flabbergasted. I just babbled, "You duh...you don't cheyhhh...what?!?!?" I mean, I don't expect that everyone checks their email every hour like I do, but at least once a day, right? And particularly when you have ASKED SOMEONE TO EMAIL YOU SOMETHING.

*Ring, Ring* "Hello Ula? Yes, I just sent you an email. You should probably check it."

But I'm still amazed that parents of children the same age as my daughter are so technologically impaired. When will it happen to me?

Kitten? Really? Kitten?

I've seen this billboard around town:

It's always intrigued me, but then I've been known to be fascinated with billboards. Particularly when I have to translate them (poorly) myself. Because despite what my children think, I do not think in Polish.

But this one I kept thinking about. What does "To Nie Tak Kotku" mean? My horrible translation of this is "That's not yes cat".

And now you know why I don't shop for groceries much.

Finally, yesterday, I was not paying attention to the road driving so I was able to get a closer look at the sign. It reads "To Nie Tak Jak Myślisz Kotku".

I thought about this all day. Again. 'Cause I fixate a bit.

I called Dylan* at work at noon. When he picked up the phone I shouted "It's not what you think, Kitten!"

To which he replied, "Huh?" As though he hadn't been thinking about it every minute since I dropped him off.

"That sign! It says 'It's not what you think, Kitten'! Like, you know, she's a kitten. Or he is. Or it's about a cat. Whatever. That's what the sign says!"

"Well, that's great. I'll talk to you later."

Humph. Like he wasn't thinking about what signs mean all day when he's working. Sure. It's only me.

* Yes, for a short time my husband was known as Owl. He hated that and threatened to never buy me camera equipment scrapbooking supplies anything again politely suggested that I use a different name for him. I agreed because I like stuff I don't make money there was alcohol involved I love him.

WORST GIFT EVER!

I spend a lot of my day Christmas shopping this time of year. For me that means, a lot of websurfing.

In my websurfing I found this item. I couldn't figure it out for quite some time and then I finally realized that it's a cat that hangs from your ceiling and MOVES like it's walking. It's also listed on their site as "For Kids".

Please DO NOT get this for me. That last cat looks like my E.D. and I still sometimes see her out of the corner of my eye wandering through the house. It really freaks me out, you know, since I killed her and all.



So the worst possible thing would be to have a cat that looks like my dead cat that I killed hanging from my ceiling haunting me. Of course if you were trying to push me over the edge, then I suppose this would be the best gift to get me.

Thanksgiving

Today, the United States celebrates Thanksgiving. In the words of AnnaKay, "They have two days off, so apparently it's a big deal..."

I thought I would go with my SIL's (who got the job! Go Dawn!) idea and just post 10 things that I'm thankful for.

1. My children. They are the best gift ever. And I know how blessed I am.
2. My husband. I love him more and more each day and I'm grateful to have such a love.
3. My health. This is a huge deal in my family.
4. My whole extended family. My mother and father in law, who are the best anyone could ask for. My sister in law her husband and my nieces (the cutest little girls ever!), my brother in law, my brother in law and sister (who is wrapping my Christmas presents!) and nephew. And my dad.
5. For all of you, my dear readers. You give purpose to my blog.
6. For a delicious meal that I'm cooking, therefore I know it will be delicious.
7. For life in Poland. For all it's faults, it's an awesome post. I always have power and water and I can buy food that I'm familiar with here.
8. That I'm nearing graduation finally. 16 years is a normal time to finish a bachelor's degree, right?
9. For a nice non snowy day to play American football with my kids in.
10. For a half day of school. Enough to let my kids have a nice big dinner, but not enough for them to get bored and torture each other constantly:).

Hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving. Even if it's not your holiday!

Wordless Wednesday

Seasonal Ambiguous Disorder - Updated

Last week I went to see the psychiatrist because of my blues. I generally try to keep this blog as my happy place (and pretty much everywhere else because as a neurotically depressed teenager you learn that people don't really want to be around the sad, depressing person, which just leads you to being more depressed, and so on. Like that old anti drug commercial about cocaine. But for me it's more, I seem happy so I can have more friends so I can seem happier so I can have more friends...)

ANYWAY, I went to the psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with Seasonal Affective Disorder and prescribed me a light. A FREAKING LIGHT. AND it costs over $200.

And because my field of study has been psychology, I was like, "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PSYCHIATRIST ARE YOU? You're supposed to be a drug dealer. Hey, drug dealer! WHERE ARE MY DRUGS???"

Yeah, but I didn't do that because then I might have been committed. Or thrown in jail. Or tossed out of Poland. All of which would have been bad. I think.

And he told me to quit drinking and exercise more. And I was like, "Yeah, only ONE of those is going to happen. I'm not superwoman! So which is it doc, drinking or exercise?"

(Oh, and the "exercise more" for those of you who know me, was because he asked if I exercise and I said "I used to" meaning: about a week ago I quit because the parking situation was too bad and almost made me burst into tears so I had to stop going to the gym to keep my sanity, and he heard "I used to" meaning: the last time I strapped on running shoes was in 1985 - and I was 11 then.)

Updated - I should have posted a picture of the light originally. And here's where you can find one (in case you also have seasonal affective disorder and a psychiatrist who doesn't believe in medicine):