Invisibilty Cloak Revisited

Last week I posted about how I (or the kid) should get an invisibility cloak and this week I was reading this issue of Time:

And guess what I found!

Yep, an invisibility cloak is feasible! And you saw it here first!

Now excuse me, I'm off to Berkley. Can you watch my kids? I'll be back in about a week, but you won't know it.

Aliens Stole My Dead Leaves!

I came home and the garbage gate was open. I've talked about this before, and I'm too lazy and forgetful to link it here, but we have a weird little house for our garbage cans. It's separate from the people house and it has two gates, one from the inside of the fence, for us to put our garbage in, and one from the outside of the fence, so the garbage men can get the garbage out.

Anyway, the inside gate was open. And because I'm a slight bit paranoid, I interrogated asked the children nicely which one of them had left the gate open. They all lied through their teeth claimed innocence.

When I approached the front door, I noticed the pile of leaves, that I had been keeping there because I really enjoy it when dead leaves fly into my house when I open the door and not because I was too damn lazy to sweep and rake, was gone. I looked around the yard and noticed an absence of leaves.

That's right. Aliens Zombies The Terminator Someone broke into my yard and RAKED all of my leaves.

It's days like this that Poland rocks!

As long as they weren't just clearing a path so that they don't slip and fall when they make off with all my belongings.

The Wisdom of Children

Pooh has had to make periodic trips out of Poland due to his health issues. Whenever he leaves, Piglet misses him tremendously, because there's no one for him to torment Stewie fights back he loves his brother so much.

Piglet, Stewie and I were having dinner the ONE night that Pooh was gone (Tigger was at play practice) and Piglet asked about Pooh.

Piglet - What's wrong with Pooh?

Me - Well, the doctor says that everyone has hair in their noses, you know?

Piglet - Yes.

Me - Pooh is missing that hair.

Piglet - Oh, okay. So the boogers just keep coming out because they're like "Whee! It's like a slide!"

Me - Yes. Exactly like that.

Blaze, or not...

So you may have seen this comment yesterday (followed by my embarrassing confession of how I actually blog):

"WHAT!!! 2 POSTS AND NOTHING ABOUT HOW "STEWIE" BURNED HIS HAND??? IS HE OK? YOU ALL OK? I CAN'T BELIVE DYLAN ACTUALLY PROVIDED MORE DETAILS THAN YOU!!"

This from my real life friend. Thanks;).

So, um, Stewie burned his right hand. He opened the oven door while I was cooking AND IN THE SAME ROOM and touched the 400 degree F oven full on with open palm.

Yeah, that kind of sucked.

So we made a trip to the E.R.

As I sat in the E.R., that must have been built in about 1945 and has not been remodeled since, on Friday/date night with The evil youngest one Stewie, I noticed a few weird little things about Poland. First of all, they don't have fancy "triage" in the E.R. It's just whoever shows up first. Just like every other doctor's appointment. "Yeah, yeah, 3rd degree burns, Wait your turn!"

They also didn't have a place to change a baby, but that's par for the course in this country so I wasn't particularly put off by that, aside from the fact that I have to go to the "Children's" hospital because only the "Children's" hospital can see anyone under age 18. Seriously.

Anyway, they also had no soap, paper towels, or toilet paper in the bathroom. And the toilet that was for "staff only" was locked. Presumably because of the stockpile of soap, toilet paper and paper towels.

They did have this one cool room, and because I did not have my phone on me I didn't get a photo. The "Sala Reanymacja". The Reanimation room! I so wanted to get behind that door. I'm convinced that they are keeping the Terminator back there.

It was locked though.

At about the point that I was trying to break into the Reanimation room to get a glimpse of the Terminator - ooh, I could control him for my own purposes. And get my invisibility cloak. That would be kick ass.

*Ahem*

At about that point, the doctor decided they could see us. Something about "Hey Lady, you're not supposed to go in there. Stop trying to break in and see things that DON'T EXIST playing with the doors."

And he had 2nd degree burns on his palm and fingers and they cleaned it, BROKE THE BLISTERS!, and wrapped it, telling us (all in Polish) that we need to keep this on for 2 days and come back to the E.R. on Sunday.

Right. On both accounts.

Ever tried to keep a two year old's hand wrapped? It's a bit like putting a cat in a burlap sack and carrying it across country on your back, when you've had no food or water and you have to walk the 2000 miles.

So the wrap was off before we pulled into our driveway.

I'm not that persistent. I gave up at that point.

Monday, we took him to the doctor to have him looked at (not the E.R.). They also cleaned, ointmented, and wrapped and told us to keep it on for 5 days. It was off by the time we stopped at the corner store.

And then the nurse walked in.

She said, "Oh, Kylie. You HAVE to keep that wrap on."

And I was all, "Right, Beyotch, I KNOW. But unless I duct tape him to a bed, he's NEVER gonna keep that thing on! Do you want him?"

But I actually said, "I know. I'll do what I can."

So I did.

Yes, I totally duct taped a glove to my son's hand AND took pictures AND sent him to school like that. I am the best mom EVER!

Maybe You Could Get An Invisibility Cloak

I live within walking distance of my older kids' school. On the corner across from the school, as in every location in Warsaw, there is a corner grocery store. I use this store for a lot of my shopping.

What this means though, is that in addition to my children, I get to see everyone else's children, because a store near a school immediately becomes a teen hang out.

In addition to groceries the store sells copious amounts of alcohol and cigarettes. Yep, you can see where this is going.

There's one "child" (can you call them children when they're older than 16?) that I see just about every day at the school. He waves and says hi and is very polite.

When I see him in front of the store smoking and whatnot, I say hello and he pretends that he does not see me. Apparently there is an invisibility shield in front of the store. I'm not sure which one of us becomes invisible, but I totally hope it's me, 'cause I could harness that for all kinds of other interesting activities. Although, seeing as I can still see him, it MUST be me. To do list for today: Buy vegetables, make dinner, harness invisibility mechanism.

Last week, he saw Tigger walking up to the store (apparently the invisibility shield works only on me) and he said "Um, did you see what I was doing?"

She said "Yep."

He said, "Don't tell your parents, 'k?"

She said, "Um, you DO know that my parents are NOT stupid, right? My mom has seen you many, many times."

He stared at her blankly. She kept walking.

So, anyone have any ideas on how to harness this invisibility shield? Think of the possibilities!

Now That the Smoke Has Cleared...

from all those burning McCain - Palin signs, I'd like to take moment to speak of the election.

"What election?", you say, "You've never spoken of an election. It's like it didn't even exist to you."

But, I assure you, it did exist to me. It's just that this blog is about my family and my funny stories, and I didn't feel the need to share my political point of view. Even my real life blog friend, Globetrekking Mom, didn't know how I voted until Obama won.

So, this won't be a political post.

My Nigerian gym "friend" had a conversation with me (because he doesn't quite get the what I thought was universal, "I have my earbuds in AND I'm reading a book, that's your cue NOT TO TALK TO ME", concept) about the then upcoming election. He had a few very good points, but the most poignant moment was when he asked me, because Owl works for the U.S. Government, "If Obama wins, will you have to leave?"

I was puzzled. "No. It means absolutely nothing to our tour here. Either one can win and we're here for as long as we're here."

I puzzled about that one for several hours afterward. Then I realized that in many parts of the world, parts of the world that I have lived in, getting a job with the government is not a matter of being the best one for the job. It's a matter of who you know.

And that, my friends, is why you SHOULD vote. Because of my Nigerian friend who doesn't have any say in his government. Because of all those people out there who may not have a job/home/life tomorrow when someone else "takes" office.

Because you can.

I realize I'm a little late in this. Just like always.

I'm Batman!

On All Saint's Day (November 1st), we got up and got dressed and went to church. After church, we headed to the zoo and walked around for about 2 hours (tip - All Saint's Day is a fabulous day to go to the zoo in Poland. There are NO PEOPLE and it's half price!).

After that we went to lunch at our favorite little pizza place. Then, at dark, Dylan and I headed to the cemetery closest to our house to check out the beautiful candlelight (you can see the photos here).

We came home, watched a movie for my film class, and then I got ready to go to bed. I pulled off my sweater and...Batman's cape was attached.

My little Batman. Do you just love his costume? It's pajamas with a belt, that I MADE, and black underwear.

I yelled at my family "HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN WEARING A CAPE?"

No one could answer. They were all laughing too hard.

For all I know, the whole flipping day I was wearing a cape.

That's why we have family.