Why I Don’t Use Google Analytics

Caveat: I do realize now that my husband was using the correct MySpaceage when talking about his blog.

Last week I told you that my husband has a blog. He writes for a very specific audience, but he’s amusing. He also asked me to pimp his blog and then after I did he said “I apparently don’t know the correct terminology. I didn’t want you to tell people about my blog. I wanted you to make my blog look pretty.”

Right, number one rule of blogging – learn the language. You want me to BLING your blog. (He also rejected my first 2 headers, and went with the really boring one without flames one that actually matched what he writes about. I should really get paid for dealing with his crap blog.)

Anyway, he was curious about who was going to be visiting his blog. He asked me for help. I said, “I really don’t know anything about this stuff because I don’t use it. I don’t want to know what freaks lovely people are out there stalking me reading what I write each day, yet never leaving a comment.”

But I learned. And I set him up with Google Analytics.

And the first day he had one visitor. And they were in Poland.

Who is this? Who’s reading his blog?

I spent about 30 minutes learning more about who was reading his blog.

They spent 30 seconds on his blog.

They live in Warsaw. They have the same Internet Service Provider as me.

Because I have a very specific internet service provider, I knew they had to live in my neighborhood.

Then, it was like that urban legend. You know, the one with the babysitter and the caller.

“The call is coming from inside the house!”

Then (yes, it actually took me that long), I realized that it was me.

And that, my friends, is why I don’t use it for my own blog.