Saturday, September 27, 2008

Wait! I Teach Religion?

So in class the other day we played a getting to know you game called 2 truths and a lie. My kids are a weird range of ages, the youngest is 12 and the oldest is almost 17. The 17 year old is great fun because he's almost an adult and he's got the whole abstract thought thing down. This works well for my sense of humor. I'm sure he's the only one who even cracked a smile when I told them "When your parents brought you to church and had you baptised, they called you Josh. Well, only you, Josh. I'm pretty sure the rest of your parents called you by the names they gave you. But maybe they didn't. Maybe your names are all really Josh."

Yeah, I got nothin'. (Of course, I'm actually not funny in real life. Something you'll see if you follow me on Twitter. 'Cause in my world, Twitter is real life.)

Oh, and I told them a few things that I'll soon hear about from the parents. Things like: "Just because you're an adult in the church doesn't mean that you can drink and smoke. You'll have to wait until you're 18 like everyone else. Except you Americans, you'll have to wait until you're 21."

Yeah, I actually said that. And still got no laughs. (Hello? Is this thing on?)

Anyway, I told them that I really like to write. And because of that a big part of our lessons would involve them writing. Ha! So there!

At the end of class, one of my "troublemakers" (they're all really good kids, the worst I have is the group that talks constantly) asked if they could read what I write. I said, "Um, no." Which in hindsight seems unfair, since I make them write so that I can read it.

But then I really started looking at my blog. And I was like, yeah, it's not entirely appropriate for children. Particularly those to whom I am teaching religion.

Then it kind of hit me. I'm teaching religion.

Yeah, and I write about midgets (so not PC) and how 5 year olds are good with ladies and how my son peed in a strip club.

And I don't even know how I feel about God in general.

The last teacher viewed everything as black and white. He followed the "gay people go to hell" way of thinking. Which, because my daughter was in his class, I took issue with (especially because this is not ACTUALLY what our church teaches). But he was teaching, not me, and she learned a lot from me and very little from him.

It was at that point I realized that the religious education coordinator should really do background checks. An agnostic teaching the highest class...hmm...not necessarily the best of choices now, is it?


  1. You are exactly what is needed in religious education. Fire and brimstone fall on deaf ears. I was raised Catholic and after having both kids baptized and years of going back and forth, I no longer practice. I do believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ, I just don't believe in the teachings the church has endorsed in the 2000+ years since. I'm glad those kids got you instead of the other guy!

  2. hahahahah. I need to stop laughing so I can comment. I LOVE the two truths and a lie. I played that in fifth grade with the kids, but not in kindergarten. They are ALL lies in k-world!!!

  3. !! i can't believe i didn't comment! this is awesome. and isn't that how the whole religious thing started anyway? a couple of truths and ... ??

  4. I am sure you do a great job with kids, they sure don't have a sense of humor! Because you ARE so funny.

  5. People don’t go to hell for being gay. Gay people go to hell for fornicating the same way straight people do.
    Dawn (Sorry, I can't remember my password)


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