Monday, September 22, 2008

Chased By A Midget

When I'm riding my bike, which is every day (except when it's raining or snowing or cloudy or too cold or too hot or sunny), I listen to my iPod (usually an audiobook). This is great for when people are yelling at me for blocking their way/crossing against the light/having a bright yellow big ass trailer that makes me stand out like a whore in church/being me (no offense to any actual whores, I'm sure churches totally want you. And you don't stand out that much - as evidenced here). I only half speak Polish, so I can't usually understand everything they're saying anyway, but having the earbuds makes it OH SO MUCH better.

The other day, I crossed against the light (yes, I do this a lot and yes, I now wear a helmet - the helmet is mostly because a very good friend of mine was hit by a car while on his bike recently and he actually obeys the law. I figure my chances are slim.) and another cyclist was turning right. I suppose, since I was crossing against the light, that he actually had the right of way, and so he was yelling at me. I could hear him through the headphones, you know 'cause he was actually doing the same thing I was and not yelling at me from his car.

He also apparently had a bit of bike rage, because he then started to follow me. I sped up and I beat him! It wasn't that hard, him being a midget and all. And me being, well, long legged.

Oh, did I not mention he was a midget?

A couple of days later I saw him as I was leaving my neighborhood (how do I know it was the same guy? It's not very often you see a bicycling midget.) and I thought "What are the chances he recognizes me?" Then I thought of that big ass yellow and green trailer and sped like a demon to get the hell out of there.

I wonder how much damage an angry Polish midget can do.

*No midgets were harmed in the writing of this post.


  1. Chased by a midget with road rage? That is freaking AWESOME!

  2. I think the term you're looking for is "Little Person"

  3. If I was a midget, I would not appreciate the term, "Little Person".

  4. I'm pretty sure he wasn't made by Fisher-Price.

  5. THAT was pretty God damned funny. OF COURSE he was a midget. of course....

  6. You never cease to amaze me Kylie! Now I can say I know this girl that was riding her bike with a big ass trailer behind it in Poland and she got chased be a midget! You can't make this sh!t up!

  7. ohmygod. you kill me. SERIOUSLY, i would DIE if i hung out with you for a day. chased by a midget? i would fall off my bike laughing and peeing on myself. i'd probably trip the midget while i was down there.

    whore in church... you KILL me!!

  8. That was hilarious. Actually, if you wanted to get PC, you would call him "vertically challenged."

  9. Hilarious! and I love your "not made by Fisher Price" comment.

  10. If I ever meet you, I'm just going to hug you and laugh my *ss off remembering all of your funny sh*t.
    Don't wear nice shoes.
    I'll probably pee too.


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