Thursday, October 02, 2008

Gated Community

I live in a gated community. We have guards at the gate and an internal phone system that we can use to call between houses and that the guards use to contact us when someone comes to visit.

Yesterday, the guards called me. Most of my guards speak only Polish (which is actually kind of stupid, since most of the people who live in my community are expats) and as you all know, my Polish is limited.

The conversation (translated) went like this:

Guard: For you ma’am, (name of some company that I never could understand)

Me: I no to expect. No.

Guard: From embassy.

Me: No, embassy no to call. No. I don't want. I don’t know.

Guard (to guys in truck): Do you speak English?

Apparently he was tired of my 2 year old Polish.

Guy in truck: Yes.

Guard: I’m giving the phone to this gentleman who can speak English.

Guy in truck: Hello?

Me: Hello?

Guy in truck: We have…thing. I was to bring…I don’t speak English.

Me: Okay. Great.

Guard: They have something from embassy.

Me: Embassy no to call! NO! I don't want!

Guard: I’m sending them in anyway.


That last part was all in English. The ramblings of a crazy woman.

Guys in truck show up at my door. Guy who speaks English only when someone asks him in Polish is standing there.

Me: Hello?

Guy in truck who doesn’t speak English, but thinks he does: We have. From Embassy. (And that part was actually in was Mamy z ambasady – so I’m thinking that his Polish – not so good either.)

Me: The embassy did not call. What do you have? CO TO JEST?

Guy in truck no English: Hm…from embassy.

Me: Right, I get that it’s from the embassy. WHAT THE HELL IS IT?

Guy in truck: From embassy.

Finally I get a clue and call my husband.

Me: Are they supposed to be delivering something to the house today that no one informed me of and when I saw you 30 minutes ago you did not mention?

Him: Um, yeah. My bad.

So I finally let the guys in. And they delivered a bunch of parts to fix my furnace (and extra parts that I don’t think were meant for my house). The whole time they giggled like teenage girls. I’m not entirely sure what was so funny.

At the same time, Toby had tied a red napkin around the cat (Shiraz) and declared him to be “Supercat!” It could have been that. Yeah, it was probably that. I'm sure they weren't laughing at me. Right? They weren't laughing at me?

I SO need my anti anxiety meds back.

And for your entertainment Veggie Tales (except the video is not) “Gated Community”:


  1. That is so hysterically funny. I especially like the part about the delivery guy who only speaks English when asked by the guard!

  2. I especially love the image of them giggling like teenage girls. Absolutely hilarious!

  3. Too funny and how in the hell did you find a video to go along with your gated community post! You are too much Kylie!

  4. Hysterical! I wish I could say I couldn't relate, but I do. My biggest problem is with the beggars and some religious types (including Jehovah's witnesses who are adamant about overcoming the language barrier for a convert). I say "nie" and they keep buzzing my house. My dogs bark, they buzz...chaos! Then I have to get ugly and start ranting "What part of "nie" don't you understand?" It's not the best way to get rid of the Catholic priest asking for donations:-) Mikayla recognized that song from your video!

  5. that is SO funny. It reminds me of the land-shark sketch from Saturday Night LIve. Candy-gram...


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